Carrying a Stone by Anonymous
People with BPD often feel as though they are carrying their pain like a heavy stone. No matter what they do, they cannot let go of the stone.
Imagine waking up in the morning and having to push a huge rock out of your bed. You must pick this rock up and carry it around all day. The heavy rock is with you when you leave the house, when you walk down the street, when you encounter people along the way. You cannot put down the rock. When you get to where you 're going you must continue to hold up the rock.
Imagine how it feels to hold this rock when you drink a cup of coffee? When you go to the grocery store? When you drive your car? When you want to rest, you are still holding the rock. You fight as hard as you can not to be crushed or killed by this huge rock that you must carry. There's no escaping the rock, there is no respite from it. You are constantly overwhelmed by it in your daily struggle to survive.
You can put the rock down when you go home at the end of the day and are ready to go to sleep. However this heavy rock lies beside you in the bed, ready and waiting for you to carry it all over again the very next day.
What makes the struggle even more poignant and painful for you is that the rock is invisible to all the people in your life.